Sunday, November 28, 2010

Talk when others can talk

I work odd hours. Thursday and Friday are regular 8 hour shifts during the middle of the night with Saturday and Sunday being both 12 hour shifts in the middle of the night. These shifts do make it very difficult to do social activities outside of the home as many of the social gatherings for the local community I would like to be part of do things during the weekends when I am either sleeping or working. These shifts also make my interaction with the women on sleep days limited and when I am interacting it is seldom in a fully awake and aware state or a place I can give them 100 % of my attention. Even though I am on what is referred to as fire watch around here I need to know what is going on as a whole. This means there is a lot of times I am in tech mode, or a state of mind where I am thinking more about the tech than I am about the women. When I am trying to be talked to in this mode I an often distracted, distant, and otherwise not really able to have a serious conversation about where we are in the relationship. When I am called, texted, IMed etc at these times a real conversation is not possible. When this does happen and I give my half responses or just agreement sounds I end up being the bad guy here. This is a little upsetting to be the bad guy when I am in the middle of my responsibilities and at that time those responsibilities need to be the majority of mind set. At the same time I use my work hours to do me stuff (because I am waiting for things to happen) and I also can get very wrapped up in that as well. Just tonight the independent woman needed to talk because she is feeling disconnected. It was a busy week with all of us getting ready for Thanksgiving at the independent woman's mother's house and there was a lot to do and then I have to head to work. I get called while wrapped in my own thoughts and am expected to not be wrapped up in them right away. With me this is not going to happen. Communication is needed to make relationships work and in a polly relationship communication is even more important but the communication needs to be when and where it can be done with out distraction. trying to have a conversation when distractions are going to happen will not go well and can cause mare issues than the conversation was to fix. Be patient and wait to have important conversations when the time is right and things will work out better then trying to force them at the wrong time. Key points 1) serious talks need to happen when every one is able to be fully attentive 2) getting upset when you try to have a serious talk with others who are in the middle of things is not going to help

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am a shell boyfriend?

okay busy week due to Thanksgiving and I still have not had the time to decompress from the whirlwind trip to Colorado.

Today when I got home from work around 8 am ish I was told that they are are feeling disconnected from me and I am not me right now. I am there body but I am not home. It was another one of those lets gang up om him conversations where they point out how much of a "guy" I am being.

There is a lot going on right now and I am in my head a lot lately. The job is going full time from being a contractor (wage negations, insurance issues, and other unknowns), there is issues with one of my better renters, I went up a belt hole or 2 (depending on the day), and just a general mehness to myself.

It did come up that apparently I am not taking enough time for myself. The only time I have for myself is at work which I think woks for me for the most part but they want me to do something more for me. and I need to come up with a list for next year of things I want to do. I have white knight issues apparently and need to think of myself more often.

So what to do for just me right now....?

a photography class?
scuba class.... be a good time for dry suit training?
A snowboard trip?
a trip to Colorado to see Tron Legacy with my buds?
spending some time with the St Bernard with a trainer to get her working on becoming a search and rescue dog?

Key points

1) I am distracted from the relationship
2) I need to unwind with something other than what I normally do at work
3) I have no idea what would be the best to do to unwind with

changing of the writting style a bit

this blog is mainly about my personal thoughts on what is going on in my Poly triad, As such the two women in my life come here and get a chance to see things on my mind that we have not had a chance to talk about, random thoughts in my head, the way I feel about events or just what ever.

So there have been a few posts when my random thoughts have been taking as feelings and have caused some break down of communications. As such I am going to start labeling each post with what it is.

on top of that I will also have a key points listing at the end of each post so the points do not get lost in my ramblings.

Friday, November 19, 2010

the Jeep is too small.

For local driving with all of us including the dogs the Grand Cherokee did okay. It was not always comfortable for the longer trips but it worked. Now that we add a wheel chair to the mix it is a tight fit with the 3 of us and when we shop it gets worse. Throwing in the dogs now is not even an option. A simple 4 hour drive is also not going to be a happy time for us ether. Considering children are also being planned for (not expecting yet) it needs to be big enough to accommodate them as well. The planning for this is coming. I have a list of things that need to be met and then also a list of wants that the women want as well.
As my good girl is the one who the new vehicle needs to be planned around because of the wheelchair, the independent woman will have input but a lot of her wants are not going to have to be able to be included. Number 1 want of hers is easy to park. I understand the want of ease of parking; driving and parking the jeep in Chicago is a pain something bigger is going to be worse. Unfortunately this is one of those times where is it "babe we understand but this is one of those 'this is how it is' things". She has been driving the jeep around and has been getting used to it so I am thinking she can use it for when she needs to go out on her own for school and such. As I may not be needing the jeep here to get to and from work (getting on as an employee instead of a contractor means work from home) The independent woman driving the jeep around seems more reasonable than getting a 3rd vehicle.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Busy busy busy

A trip to Denver is looming and we have been in a hurry to get things taken care of so we can go. New tires for the jeep, Christmas presents, warm clothing, stuff for the house while we are gone and other odds and ends. At the same time my independent woman has been finishing some of her school work and getting ready for her test. This had made little time for affection giving or receiving. My good girl and myself have passed the honeymoon period of the relationship and are okay with things getting hectic and little relationship time, but my independent woman is not past this area and has been feeling neglected the past two weeks and getting frustrated. She knows it is illogical but the heart down not understand logic. I have tried to make things go well for her and I am not sure the attempts were getting though. In the past few weeks we have be going out to eat and I have been trying to bring her in to conversations. I know I am not always the best at it and my attempts to show her she is important have been failing.

This afternoon we started to work things out on how we can make things better. I will be at first spending one night a week in her room. This will be interesting as she sleeps with things going on in the background like television and I prefer a nice quite room to sleep in, hence the reason for the separate rooms.

this relationship is just as important to me as the one with my good girl and I am going to do what it takes to get things working well. It will take time and work but any good relationship does.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

We All Live in a Yellow Apartment.

also is is more red instead of yellow....

A huge mile stone has been passed. Come next week my Kayaks are being moved it to storage and a bed is coming in. My independent woman will be moving in. Well she all ready really has moved in but now the rest of her stuff is coming over. This is going to go a long way to helping her emotional health as well as making all of us feel closer as a family. family can be a stressful thing and even more stressful when you can not pick your first family. Getting the chance to go from your family you had as a child to the family you make as an adult is a great thing and getting to share that experience with the independent woman is a special thing.

Speaking of family my good girl and me have started to take a little one very seriously. We have been doing the day count method with no success and now got a BBT thermometer. We started taking her temperature and say the temperature spike. The spike happened before the time we counted for her ovulation by a few days and Knowing that things needs to waiting for the egg before the temperature spike we have been missing the time frame. We have also picked up ovulation kits which we are going to start using next moth to determine when she actually does ovulate. All three of us are excited about the idea of a little one and the independent woman is gleeful at the idea of having a little one. Due to my past experiences a little one is a scary thing but I am also looking forward to this more and more as we take steps closer and closer to the day we have conception.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Interrupted by virus

okay so the plan was for a long stay but unfortunately it was interrupted by the flu. My independent woman got it and we needed to take care of her and make her feel all better and then get her off to her home so she could get healthy and off to school. Sick happens; it is nothing to get upset about and things will get put on hold for next week right? WRONG... My good girl and myself got the flu and were sick that next week. My independent woman was good and took care of us while we were bed ridden. This did not lend well to getting her emotional needs taken care of the past two weeks but we are going to do that.

Being poly has its trials on of which is making sure every body gets the proper amount of attention where it is just about them. My good girl has an advantage here as she lives in the apartment with me so she can get me times when ever where as things need to get planned out for my independent woman. The living situation is going to change at some point and we are all ready making plans for it. The spare bedroom is storage for my kayaks right now. It was a goo place for them when I moved in but now they are in the way. I have found a place to store them and just need to move them there. The plan is to move them after I get back from dealing with some court issues back in Colorado (ex tenants want their $800 damage deposit back even though it was a few thousand dollar repair) in early November. So she will have her own room all her own when she visits and it will be ready for when it is time for her to move in. I know that it is odd to sleep in separate rooms with your lover but in this case it is about sleeping habits. My good girl and myself sleep with every thing but a fan off where as the independent woman sleeps with there being a TV or something on for her comfort. by having the separate rooms it allows us to sleep our best. Of course with the second bedroom being taken up by my independent woman if a kid does happen to come along we are going to have to find a bigger place.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

long stay

Yesterday was the start of a long stay my independent woman. My good girl wanted to know how well things will work out on a longer term biases so we asked the independent woman to stay over from Friday until Wednesday/Thursday. So far things are going well. Of course as it is during my period of work I am not going to be involved much until Tuesday as I work and sleep over the weekends for the most part. We did get 5 guys and fries today and then Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory for dinner today but that was a fast thing.
This is going to be an interesting week and I look forward to finding out out it goes for both women.

OH yea one more thing. They are both on their period this weekend. As far as being a guy I thinking the fact I am working and sleeping is a good thing. Hard to be wrong that way but I am sure I still will be.... J/K both women are good during this time but it will be interesting to see what happens.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Getting Ganged up on

This happened during our trip but I felt it needed its own post.

I talk with my old girlfriends. just because the relationship did not work out does not mean there is not some sort of connection between us. I still have feeling for these women but they are tempered with the fact that I know that living together in a romantic relationship is not healthily for ether one of us. This attachment and continued contact with my ex girlfriends caused a gang up on me and I do admit it was called for.

my last ex and I have been working to get together for lunch or dinner at some point and we were talking about it for last week. I did not make a firm commitment as I was not sure if I could make it and I needed to talk with my women about it first. My good girl is okay with it but my independent woman has issues. Both women agree it should not be a just me visit. While talking about the visit with my ex she asked if I could stay the night. after some talking I discovered that she was wanting to have sex on the visit. I admit that I do miss the sex we had but the relationship had issues and there are things that would not work. Number one is that she needs to have another relationship outside of me but does not want me to have a relationship with my good girl. I am not a cuck and was not happy with this. When I mention that both my ex and my good girl would need to be romantically involved the ex tells me she can not share me. I did not even mention my independent woman as I know that would not go over well at all. My ex believes that my independent woman is going to cause issues with the law for me. The conversation with the ex works it way n to what she needs in a relationship and the discussion on the visit is tabled and we do not get back to it. The ex needed to go and we never got back to the visit.

As there was no commitment made for the visit I went on the road trip for with my two women. during the drive my ex calls and is upset because I am not going to visit even though I said I would. I had not made a commitment and reminded her of that and proceeded to have a small argument in from of my current girl friends. The ex quickly hung up and the aftermath of the call did not go well for me.

My good girl is upset. she radiates annoyance and I ask her to talk about it. She feels blindsided about the visit and as such is agitated. I go on and mention that the ex also wanted to have sex on the visit and that did not go well at all. I hear that the ex is not respecting the fact that what we had is gone and the ex is also not respecting the relationships I currently have. The independent woman also mentions that she feels that even though the relationship is over I am still hers and the other women do not matter. They think I am missing the subtly of her tyring to manipulate me into getting back together with her. I am happy in my life now and I am told by the ex she is happy where she is at. I feel that I am being lied to by her again. If she happy where she is why would she be trying to get together this is not the first time she has lied to me. In fact the relationship with the ex started on a lie and I was lied too other times; this is just the tip of issues I had in a relationship with her. I do not plan to get back in a relationship with her and even though I miss the sex I know it is not something I can do.

Both of the women in life have a right to be upset I should have mentioned the her wanting me to visit before then so they were not blindsided by the call. I did not make any commitments to the ex and it did not occur to me to mention it to them. I reassured them I am not going anywhere and not looking to get back with the ex. they are my life now and I am happy with they way my life is. I will not give up my life with them for the life of where I had issues on what seems like an every day biases.

My good girl has apologized for ganging up on me about the issue but I have told them it is okay in this case. They both need to express them self and if I do something that upsets them both I just get it two fold. I am a big guy and I can take it and fully expect to be ganged up on again in the future and more than just a few times.

Being Spontaneous

My good girl was feeling cooped up, She had a bit of the cabin fever and wanted to get out. As I was not adverse to being out in the world that day we decide to go drive with the destination of west and an ETA of whenever. These are my favorite types of trips. You never know when you are going to get there or where you are going to be when you get there.

We stopped to pick up the 3rd in our relationship and it surprised my independent woman. This is not exactly something she is used to. She has not had us just show up before nor has she ever just drove just to drive. She was asleep when we got to her place so it took a bit for her to get ready and it gave me a chance to get the two dogs out and let them explore the park next to her place a bit. It is going to be a long trip and they need to stretch their paws as well.

We leave and hit the road. My independent woman is trying to grasp the point of the why for awhile. My good girl and I explain the point of the trip is the trip itself. We are driving to have a good time, no other agenda just go. To see places we have not been before. My independent woman get the idea and asks so if that is the plane we should not take the same route back. This is a great idea. When I drive I normally do take the same path back but as this is Tuesday, the cats can take care of them self's and I do not have to be back at work till Thursday this seems like a good idea. If we get lost we can always find our way back in time.

We drive down I90 for awhile and end up at the Illinois and Wisconsin boarder heading north. We decide that it is time to fix our course and keep gong west. We left the interstate and hit the state highways. State highways are the way to really get to see a place. The interstates are good for getting some where fats but you do not really get to see the places that make a place special. the out of the way spots that are just incredible. You need to be willing to go local to get that.

We drive for awhile and end up in a Town called Galena. This is a great spot and happens to be the site of President Grant's home. It was too late in the day to visit but it was a good time for dinner. We drive around the town a bit looking for something local. We made this trip why eat at some place we can get at home. On main street there is a small little place called the Victory Cafe. It a nice Americana cooking and they use the old world war II victory posters as the theme. It would have been nice if the used real ones and not reprints but it was not a big deal. They did have original painting from a local artist of local scenes which were amazing. It was a nice restaurant with good food except for the vegetables. They spend a great deal of care and attention to the main food and gives us what is best described as Bird's Eye frozen vegetables. I am not saying they are bad but they were a disappointment to what otherwise was a good meal.

Back in the Grand Cherokee and over the great river. I get to share my love of the Mississippi river with my two women. I love the river and its history I have spent little time on it but it is part of me it flows though my heart and pulls me to it. Someday I will touch her waters and commune with her but not today.

Night falls and we follow the river on the Iowa side down to I-80 and then take I-80 back home. It is late and my independent woman is asleep in the back with the puppies so my good girl and I sing to a group I have on my I-phone. The group is a bunch of rennies who sing pirate songs, The Corsairs. They are no longer together but their stuff can still be bought. It is fin music and worth a listen.

we make it in the the Chicago area and my good girl and myself are exhausted. The independent woman takes over the driving and I am out of it for the rest of the trip home. We make it in shower and then off to bed for us for a good deep sleep.

It was a good trip and a great bonding experience for all three of us. I look forward to many more fun things with my two women as time goes on.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

a good week and a loss from the outside

This week draws to a close and I find that it has been good at least I think it has. The two women in my life spend time at the apartment and we stayed together. there were no hurt feelings no rubbing each other the Wong way, things worked. My independent woman took time for her self during the days there and I got to spend time with both women giving each of them one on one time and they got to spend time with just the two of them. No one mentioned that they needed more time and I trust both women to let me know this. A huge step in a happy household has been made this past week. We had found a way to live together in the short term and our communication is always improving. Things are moving forward at a good rate not to fast but not stagnate either. As things get more involved it is nice to see how we are able to work out issue that do pop up from time to time.

My independent woman also had her eyes opened a bit. Both women are allowed to have other relationships as well. My independent woman was looking at a man who seemed okay. He was well off and had a wife with a few girlfriends. He brought out a side of her I could not and she liked it and wanted to explore that side more. My good girl noticed that he would make comments which would cause my independent woman to talk more submissive and actually be more submissive. The independent woman is not normally this way and she was teased about it a bit. When talked to about it by the independent woman the man denied it all and even said he took offence to the matter. He is experienced in the matters of domination and submission and he should be aware that as a dominate person you do have to train the submissive up a bit so they match your needs better. No submissive is a perfect fit for you but they are willing to be shaped in to it. His reaction has ended the relationship between the tow of them and for this I am sad. but tat the same time she will be exploring that side with my good girl. I like seeing that the bonds of trust grow between all of us and am excited about how things will develop in the future between all three of us both emotionally and mentally.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Balancing Life, Work and Two Women

Life takes us in many different directions. there are times when we really do bite off more than we can chew. I have a friend who has a job that is way more than full time, he has a very active life outside of work, and he has on going contract writing gigs. There are many times he gets way to much on his plate to handle and that is before he tries to have a love life. Not a place I like to be in my self but I am starting to get that way.
having a love life is like having a garden. it requires care an attention if it is to grow. Not only do I have one garden to worry about growing I have two; both women need care and attention dedicated to them and them alone. I am not good at it, I am better with my good girl as she lives with me, my independent woman does not always get my attention as I am easily distracted and she is not around to be in the front of my mind as often as she should be. this means that my good girl does get a large part of my attention when I am not working or involved with other things. But as I work deep nights and usually waiting for something to happen my independent woman gets to visit me at my work. Generally this is here time except when work interrupts. Some times work does interrupt more often than normal and my independent woman gets put on the back burner for awhile. When I have bad work nights I try to bring her home so she can get extra attention and I try to balance having both women in the house at the same time. Some times that works and some times it does not. We are still working on that and it will take some time.

outside of the women I also have some hobbies, I am a gamer, I try to work on a personal web pages, create programs, kayaking, scuba diving, off road and some outdoor photography. All of which take a back burner to the women in my life usually. There are times when I get to combine them sometimes; I got a chance to do some good outdoor shoots when I took my good girl to both the zoo and the local botanical gardens, but it is not a common activity. I do miss doing these things some times but I feel bad for taking time out for myself. I know that I should actually have my own time and I try to take bits and pieces when I can but things do get pushed aside. I need to balance things better in my own life.

Right now I need to study for certification test it is actually putting all the other hobbies computer related to the back burner if not off the stove completely. This test is important for furthering my career and could mean the difference from going on full time and staying a contractor. I can steal bits and pieces of time to study but I seldom spend a lot of time doing it. It comes from wanting to spend time with the woman and really not being in the right mood to study. I do study better at work but that is also when I try to give my independent woman her time with me. As I think about what to do to give both women my time is to make it so they are both there when I am not at work. That would put my work time mine alone again and I could do my things during work. I am not sure my good girl is ready for this so I am not going to ask right now but i need to do something to get this test out of the way. If i can not figure this out, how is school going to work when I go for my master's degree next year sometime?

good and bad all in a few hours

So last night I am needed by my independent woman. She has had a hard day at home between her sister and mother fighting and needed so alone time with me. She came over and we send time talking and cuddling and she went from having a bad day to a good night. She is sent home feeling happy and good about the world. Life is once again on a good course for her. This is what I do good at. I may not talk well, I may put my foot in my mouth on a regular biases but when it comes to needing a safe and happy feeling place to go I am the person to see.

8 hours later I make it home. and head to bed. It was a long night as as I see my bed i let out this heavy sigh. My good girl is sorta awake and hears this and thinks something is wrong. I tell her nothing is wrong, i am fine and she can go back to sleep. Well she keeps asking and all i can say is i am fine nothing is wrong and go back to bed. Little do I know this is hurting her feelings. I am bad at reading people. We wake later that day around 5:30 ish and I get ready for a long night of getting paid for doing nothing, I get out of the shower and find her in bed cuddling a pillow as she is sitting there watching TV. I ask her if she needs to cuddle and she says yes. I had hurt her feeling and was "grumpy" so she needed to cuddle and I was heading out to work. I feel bad about this. I did not mean to hurt her feelings I just felt that she needed to rest and wanted her to go back to sleep. So now all I want to do is to stay home and make her feel all better too. I can't so I am going to spend the entire night worrying about how I messed up again with one of the women in my life. I can not seem to get a break. I ether upset one or the other...

I am a guy and am only good at a few things. What I am good at I excel; at and every thing else I fail at badly. I am lucky to have tow women who recognize this and forgive me for the short comings I have and understand I can not over come them. I am an old dog and there are tricks that are beyond me.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Empanada Incident

As a poly there are things that need communicated; things that should be communicated right away. What may seem Small and no never mind the others in the group my feel slighted and get upset over it. Also it is important to remember not all conversations happen with everyone in the same room. I recently went though one such instance where my failing to communicate properly created bad feelings.

NikkiNeeds(her online name as I still have no pet name for her) wanted to go on a picnic after I got off work last Monday and I agreed. It sounded like a good idea as I was going to have a full weekend with my good girl. Before Nikki asked I had talked about empanadas that same Monday with my good girl and she was going to be making them. When I agreed to the picnic I had forgot about the empanadas and did not think much about them or knew exactly what was involved with making them or her though processes behiond them. I just though meat in a pastry shell; being anglo I have little idea about how intricate ethnic food can get. During my weekend date at the Chicago Botanical Gardens ( I recommend this for a great day trip date to anyone in the area) I brought up the picnic thing and it hurt my good girl. I mentioned we could go ahead and do them Tuesday on my day off and I could help. She understood that I did not understand the reasoning behind the empanadas and that my mind does not get things like that; it is a short coming I am afraid I will never over come. The cooking and creation of the item was something special for her, a way to show her feelings for me in a way that is special to her and unique to her; me helping out with them it takes away from the specialness.
I did not hurt her intentionally but an unintentional hurt can sting just as bad. If I talked about things right away instead of waiting till later i do not think i would have hurt my good girl.

Monday, August 30, 2010

the Drop

There is a term called drop. It is where after exiting a intense session bad feeling come in and the mind starts becoming negative. Good aftercare significantly reduces drop and no aftercare make drop worse.

The night before we take her home I eat her out once more. I am feeling a bit frisky so i let her calm down right before she climaxes, build her back up, and let her calm down again. after the 5th time i let her go all the way and she climaxes hard. She can not even move because she is so in to the afterglow. We go out for one last cigarette for her and I follow helping her out as walking is not coming easy for her. We talk for a bit and take her back to bed. I get her all set to go with blankets and what not and then head to bed and sleep myself. This was a mistake.

in the past the new woman had not needed any aftercare as was doing well with no dropping. So I figure as it was not a major change as it was still oral there was now after care needed and I just went on my merry way to sleep. I was wrong and wrong badly. I went to sleep and she stay up for awhile not liking the fact I went to sleep and was not there to comfort her and other thoughts that go with drop.

The next Am my good girl and myself are startled to get snapped at by the new woman and we want to find out why. Things were so good and now this happens. We are not going to just go "Oh well" and leave it like a lot of people do. It is important to know what happened. We drive her home and talk to her though the whole drive. How she is doing what she is feeling and what is going on. By the time we get her home the new woman feels much better about herself and what happened. She is willing to keep exploring this side of her and looks forward to seeing us again.

the first time

My good girl and I were not looking for a third. We both knew that at some point we would not be alone in our relationship and have kinda talked about others but not really anything along the lines of "We want this now." So this relationship with the new woman (as soon as I find a new pet name that works for written about her I am going to change all the postings) caught us by surprise. It stared simple enough. We saw here posting online and though it would be fun to go out for coffee or something. My good girl and I were going to be doing cell popping over the weekend and as the new woman was not aware of it we figured we would invite her to watch. The weekend plans of a get together fell though but we did end up meeting her anyway. I invited her to come over on My 3 days off to see what we were like and go from there. My good Girl and myself drove out to the suburbs to pick up the new woman and discussed the rules on the way over.

1) no vaginal penetration. other sex acts are okay but I can not penetrate her with my penis.

2) safety, if we do get frisky condoms are required

3) if my good girl freaks out we need to stop and back things up to where she is comfortable again.

We picked up the new woman spent the drive back talking to her and getting to know her. We hit it off very well and by the time we made it to the Apartment we were very friendly with each other. As the entertainment center is in the bed room we ended up in there to watch movies. We started watching Charlie Bartlett (2007) and at some point both my good girl and myself started paying more attention to the new woman. She has spectacular breast and bot my good girl and myself we given her attention though them and she was loving it. it did not take long for me to have her pants off and her vagina in my face. I am very good at preforming oral and like to. My good girl is very sensitive and this was a chance to get my want to provide oral satisfies in ways it has not been for awhile. After a huge organism and being begged to stop I go ahead and stop eating her out. We all crumple in a pile and cuddle and talk. The new woman goes out for a cigarette and my good girl and I talk about her and decide that yes we like her both physically and emotionally and do want to keep playing with her.

Afterwards the new woman comes back we head out to the living room to talk and end up speaking until dawn. She is an interesting and intelligent woman. Sex is good but sex and play you can get anywhere, Brains are hard to come by and it is getting harder and harder to find a good brain. I am lucky to have two women in my life that both have a brain and can use it.

the weekend goes on and things get hot there is playing a few more times and sharing the same bed at night. It was good but the bed is a bit small. A queen size bed may be okay for 2 bigger people to sleep on but add a third and it takes a game of Tetris.

A start

I have always been interested in women. I have dated women and was not really happy with just one. I wanted more. normally I would just flirt with other women and that would be it. My girl friends would get upset over this and it would cause problems. No matter how hard I tried to be a good boyfriend and not be interested in other women I would fail. Over time I realized that I am not a one woman man. I want the stay at home wife who creates a home and is there for the child and there when I get home; I want a career woman who wants to make it in life and have a life of her own. A strong and determined woman. These wants do not fit in to one woman. Asking some one to be both is not realistic and actually imposable. the requirements for a house wife do not lend to having a career and vice versa. I also want a woman who is strong willed and feisty but at the same time submissive and accommodating. Again not something I am going to find in a woman. When I found a woman that me one set of requirements I was wanting the others. I was always told not to settle so I have not. and I have lucked out and found two wonderful woman that make me happy and fulfilled

My good girl. She is the housewife and the caretaker. She is there when I need her to be supportive and always willing to listen to what I have to say. I always feel safe with her and do not have to worry about what I saw or how I say it. She has been with me for a long time just as a friend, then as a confidant, now as a lover. We had a few false starts but now we have started and things are great. She is my good happy slow burn. There is always a fire with her.

My, actually I can use the term "my: as she is not owned, so the other woman in my life is independent and does not need any one in her life, She is ready to take the big scary world on all alone and do what she needs to do. No man is going to make her change her plans. She was there did that and will not do it again. She is a fighter and likes it that way. We were going to meet over coffee and things between the three of us moved quickly. It is a hot bonfire with her and I can come away scarred if things go badly.

This place is for my own private thoughts. To help me organize them and put them down. If you want to read go ahead I am a public person. It is also for the two women in my life to come here and see what I am going though in ways I understand it.

Communication is the key and this is another way they can come to help understand me and whats on my mind and in my heart.