Saturday, September 25, 2010

a good week and a loss from the outside

This week draws to a close and I find that it has been good at least I think it has. The two women in my life spend time at the apartment and we stayed together. there were no hurt feelings no rubbing each other the Wong way, things worked. My independent woman took time for her self during the days there and I got to spend time with both women giving each of them one on one time and they got to spend time with just the two of them. No one mentioned that they needed more time and I trust both women to let me know this. A huge step in a happy household has been made this past week. We had found a way to live together in the short term and our communication is always improving. Things are moving forward at a good rate not to fast but not stagnate either. As things get more involved it is nice to see how we are able to work out issue that do pop up from time to time.

My independent woman also had her eyes opened a bit. Both women are allowed to have other relationships as well. My independent woman was looking at a man who seemed okay. He was well off and had a wife with a few girlfriends. He brought out a side of her I could not and she liked it and wanted to explore that side more. My good girl noticed that he would make comments which would cause my independent woman to talk more submissive and actually be more submissive. The independent woman is not normally this way and she was teased about it a bit. When talked to about it by the independent woman the man denied it all and even said he took offence to the matter. He is experienced in the matters of domination and submission and he should be aware that as a dominate person you do have to train the submissive up a bit so they match your needs better. No submissive is a perfect fit for you but they are willing to be shaped in to it. His reaction has ended the relationship between the tow of them and for this I am sad. but tat the same time she will be exploring that side with my good girl. I like seeing that the bonds of trust grow between all of us and am excited about how things will develop in the future between all three of us both emotionally and mentally.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Balancing Life, Work and Two Women

Life takes us in many different directions. there are times when we really do bite off more than we can chew. I have a friend who has a job that is way more than full time, he has a very active life outside of work, and he has on going contract writing gigs. There are many times he gets way to much on his plate to handle and that is before he tries to have a love life. Not a place I like to be in my self but I am starting to get that way.
having a love life is like having a garden. it requires care an attention if it is to grow. Not only do I have one garden to worry about growing I have two; both women need care and attention dedicated to them and them alone. I am not good at it, I am better with my good girl as she lives with me, my independent woman does not always get my attention as I am easily distracted and she is not around to be in the front of my mind as often as she should be. this means that my good girl does get a large part of my attention when I am not working or involved with other things. But as I work deep nights and usually waiting for something to happen my independent woman gets to visit me at my work. Generally this is here time except when work interrupts. Some times work does interrupt more often than normal and my independent woman gets put on the back burner for awhile. When I have bad work nights I try to bring her home so she can get extra attention and I try to balance having both women in the house at the same time. Some times that works and some times it does not. We are still working on that and it will take some time.

outside of the women I also have some hobbies, I am a gamer, I try to work on a personal web pages, create programs, kayaking, scuba diving, off road and some outdoor photography. All of which take a back burner to the women in my life usually. There are times when I get to combine them sometimes; I got a chance to do some good outdoor shoots when I took my good girl to both the zoo and the local botanical gardens, but it is not a common activity. I do miss doing these things some times but I feel bad for taking time out for myself. I know that I should actually have my own time and I try to take bits and pieces when I can but things do get pushed aside. I need to balance things better in my own life.

Right now I need to study for certification test it is actually putting all the other hobbies computer related to the back burner if not off the stove completely. This test is important for furthering my career and could mean the difference from going on full time and staying a contractor. I can steal bits and pieces of time to study but I seldom spend a lot of time doing it. It comes from wanting to spend time with the woman and really not being in the right mood to study. I do study better at work but that is also when I try to give my independent woman her time with me. As I think about what to do to give both women my time is to make it so they are both there when I am not at work. That would put my work time mine alone again and I could do my things during work. I am not sure my good girl is ready for this so I am not going to ask right now but i need to do something to get this test out of the way. If i can not figure this out, how is school going to work when I go for my master's degree next year sometime?

good and bad all in a few hours

So last night I am needed by my independent woman. She has had a hard day at home between her sister and mother fighting and needed so alone time with me. She came over and we send time talking and cuddling and she went from having a bad day to a good night. She is sent home feeling happy and good about the world. Life is once again on a good course for her. This is what I do good at. I may not talk well, I may put my foot in my mouth on a regular biases but when it comes to needing a safe and happy feeling place to go I am the person to see.

8 hours later I make it home. and head to bed. It was a long night as as I see my bed i let out this heavy sigh. My good girl is sorta awake and hears this and thinks something is wrong. I tell her nothing is wrong, i am fine and she can go back to sleep. Well she keeps asking and all i can say is i am fine nothing is wrong and go back to bed. Little do I know this is hurting her feelings. I am bad at reading people. We wake later that day around 5:30 ish and I get ready for a long night of getting paid for doing nothing, I get out of the shower and find her in bed cuddling a pillow as she is sitting there watching TV. I ask her if she needs to cuddle and she says yes. I had hurt her feeling and was "grumpy" so she needed to cuddle and I was heading out to work. I feel bad about this. I did not mean to hurt her feelings I just felt that she needed to rest and wanted her to go back to sleep. So now all I want to do is to stay home and make her feel all better too. I can't so I am going to spend the entire night worrying about how I messed up again with one of the women in my life. I can not seem to get a break. I ether upset one or the other...

I am a guy and am only good at a few things. What I am good at I excel; at and every thing else I fail at badly. I am lucky to have tow women who recognize this and forgive me for the short comings I have and understand I can not over come them. I am an old dog and there are tricks that are beyond me.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Empanada Incident

As a poly there are things that need communicated; things that should be communicated right away. What may seem Small and no never mind the others in the group my feel slighted and get upset over it. Also it is important to remember not all conversations happen with everyone in the same room. I recently went though one such instance where my failing to communicate properly created bad feelings.

NikkiNeeds(her online name as I still have no pet name for her) wanted to go on a picnic after I got off work last Monday and I agreed. It sounded like a good idea as I was going to have a full weekend with my good girl. Before Nikki asked I had talked about empanadas that same Monday with my good girl and she was going to be making them. When I agreed to the picnic I had forgot about the empanadas and did not think much about them or knew exactly what was involved with making them or her though processes behiond them. I just though meat in a pastry shell; being anglo I have little idea about how intricate ethnic food can get. During my weekend date at the Chicago Botanical Gardens ( I recommend this for a great day trip date to anyone in the area) I brought up the picnic thing and it hurt my good girl. I mentioned we could go ahead and do them Tuesday on my day off and I could help. She understood that I did not understand the reasoning behind the empanadas and that my mind does not get things like that; it is a short coming I am afraid I will never over come. The cooking and creation of the item was something special for her, a way to show her feelings for me in a way that is special to her and unique to her; me helping out with them it takes away from the specialness.
I did not hurt her intentionally but an unintentional hurt can sting just as bad. If I talked about things right away instead of waiting till later i do not think i would have hurt my good girl.