Sunday, November 28, 2010

Talk when others can talk

I work odd hours. Thursday and Friday are regular 8 hour shifts during the middle of the night with Saturday and Sunday being both 12 hour shifts in the middle of the night. These shifts do make it very difficult to do social activities outside of the home as many of the social gatherings for the local community I would like to be part of do things during the weekends when I am either sleeping or working. These shifts also make my interaction with the women on sleep days limited and when I am interacting it is seldom in a fully awake and aware state or a place I can give them 100 % of my attention. Even though I am on what is referred to as fire watch around here I need to know what is going on as a whole. This means there is a lot of times I am in tech mode, or a state of mind where I am thinking more about the tech than I am about the women. When I am trying to be talked to in this mode I an often distracted, distant, and otherwise not really able to have a serious conversation about where we are in the relationship. When I am called, texted, IMed etc at these times a real conversation is not possible. When this does happen and I give my half responses or just agreement sounds I end up being the bad guy here. This is a little upsetting to be the bad guy when I am in the middle of my responsibilities and at that time those responsibilities need to be the majority of mind set. At the same time I use my work hours to do me stuff (because I am waiting for things to happen) and I also can get very wrapped up in that as well. Just tonight the independent woman needed to talk because she is feeling disconnected. It was a busy week with all of us getting ready for Thanksgiving at the independent woman's mother's house and there was a lot to do and then I have to head to work. I get called while wrapped in my own thoughts and am expected to not be wrapped up in them right away. With me this is not going to happen. Communication is needed to make relationships work and in a polly relationship communication is even more important but the communication needs to be when and where it can be done with out distraction. trying to have a conversation when distractions are going to happen will not go well and can cause mare issues than the conversation was to fix. Be patient and wait to have important conversations when the time is right and things will work out better then trying to force them at the wrong time. Key points 1) serious talks need to happen when every one is able to be fully attentive 2) getting upset when you try to have a serious talk with others who are in the middle of things is not going to help

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