Sunday, November 28, 2010

Talk when others can talk

I work odd hours. Thursday and Friday are regular 8 hour shifts during the middle of the night with Saturday and Sunday being both 12 hour shifts in the middle of the night. These shifts do make it very difficult to do social activities outside of the home as many of the social gatherings for the local community I would like to be part of do things during the weekends when I am either sleeping or working. These shifts also make my interaction with the women on sleep days limited and when I am interacting it is seldom in a fully awake and aware state or a place I can give them 100 % of my attention. Even though I am on what is referred to as fire watch around here I need to know what is going on as a whole. This means there is a lot of times I am in tech mode, or a state of mind where I am thinking more about the tech than I am about the women. When I am trying to be talked to in this mode I an often distracted, distant, and otherwise not really able to have a serious conversation about where we are in the relationship. When I am called, texted, IMed etc at these times a real conversation is not possible. When this does happen and I give my half responses or just agreement sounds I end up being the bad guy here. This is a little upsetting to be the bad guy when I am in the middle of my responsibilities and at that time those responsibilities need to be the majority of mind set. At the same time I use my work hours to do me stuff (because I am waiting for things to happen) and I also can get very wrapped up in that as well. Just tonight the independent woman needed to talk because she is feeling disconnected. It was a busy week with all of us getting ready for Thanksgiving at the independent woman's mother's house and there was a lot to do and then I have to head to work. I get called while wrapped in my own thoughts and am expected to not be wrapped up in them right away. With me this is not going to happen. Communication is needed to make relationships work and in a polly relationship communication is even more important but the communication needs to be when and where it can be done with out distraction. trying to have a conversation when distractions are going to happen will not go well and can cause mare issues than the conversation was to fix. Be patient and wait to have important conversations when the time is right and things will work out better then trying to force them at the wrong time. Key points 1) serious talks need to happen when every one is able to be fully attentive 2) getting upset when you try to have a serious talk with others who are in the middle of things is not going to help

Saturday, November 27, 2010

I am a shell boyfriend?

okay busy week due to Thanksgiving and I still have not had the time to decompress from the whirlwind trip to Colorado.

Today when I got home from work around 8 am ish I was told that they are are feeling disconnected from me and I am not me right now. I am there body but I am not home. It was another one of those lets gang up om him conversations where they point out how much of a "guy" I am being.

There is a lot going on right now and I am in my head a lot lately. The job is going full time from being a contractor (wage negations, insurance issues, and other unknowns), there is issues with one of my better renters, I went up a belt hole or 2 (depending on the day), and just a general mehness to myself.

It did come up that apparently I am not taking enough time for myself. The only time I have for myself is at work which I think woks for me for the most part but they want me to do something more for me. and I need to come up with a list for next year of things I want to do. I have white knight issues apparently and need to think of myself more often.

So what to do for just me right now....?

a photography class?
scuba class.... be a good time for dry suit training?
A snowboard trip?
a trip to Colorado to see Tron Legacy with my buds?
spending some time with the St Bernard with a trainer to get her working on becoming a search and rescue dog?

Key points

1) I am distracted from the relationship
2) I need to unwind with something other than what I normally do at work
3) I have no idea what would be the best to do to unwind with

changing of the writting style a bit

this blog is mainly about my personal thoughts on what is going on in my Poly triad, As such the two women in my life come here and get a chance to see things on my mind that we have not had a chance to talk about, random thoughts in my head, the way I feel about events or just what ever.

So there have been a few posts when my random thoughts have been taking as feelings and have caused some break down of communications. As such I am going to start labeling each post with what it is.

on top of that I will also have a key points listing at the end of each post so the points do not get lost in my ramblings.

Friday, November 19, 2010

the Jeep is too small.

For local driving with all of us including the dogs the Grand Cherokee did okay. It was not always comfortable for the longer trips but it worked. Now that we add a wheel chair to the mix it is a tight fit with the 3 of us and when we shop it gets worse. Throwing in the dogs now is not even an option. A simple 4 hour drive is also not going to be a happy time for us ether. Considering children are also being planned for (not expecting yet) it needs to be big enough to accommodate them as well. The planning for this is coming. I have a list of things that need to be met and then also a list of wants that the women want as well.
As my good girl is the one who the new vehicle needs to be planned around because of the wheelchair, the independent woman will have input but a lot of her wants are not going to have to be able to be included. Number 1 want of hers is easy to park. I understand the want of ease of parking; driving and parking the jeep in Chicago is a pain something bigger is going to be worse. Unfortunately this is one of those times where is it "babe we understand but this is one of those 'this is how it is' things". She has been driving the jeep around and has been getting used to it so I am thinking she can use it for when she needs to go out on her own for school and such. As I may not be needing the jeep here to get to and from work (getting on as an employee instead of a contractor means work from home) The independent woman driving the jeep around seems more reasonable than getting a 3rd vehicle.